Pages

Friday, July 5, 2019

My narrative - likes and feedback-

Hello,bloggers yesterday I wrote a narrative about a shipwreck and I want to share it to you for two reasons to just let you share it and to get some feedback on it. It is set in a ship that broke down and he is trying to find a way back to society but there is a twist in the end.  Could you please give me some feed back on how I could improve on it.

Three weeks. That is how long the ship had been like this; empty, abandoned, alone…
as the only surviving crew member wakes up He wonders how much longer he has to
stay like this. Whale he climbs up the old red rusty boat steps he sees the sun shining
bright like a natural light bulb. As he dose he morning checks to see if any damage was
done to the boat. As he stares into the water waving to him like a tree in the wind  he
remembers the day that the boat crashed and how everyone jumped in the water never
to be seen again.
After he snaps back into reality he hears water running to him like a cheetah running to
catch its prey. He looked at the wave crashing to wards him as he runs to get to cover he
hears the wave coming closer and closer coming to swallow him to the bottom of the
ocean. As the wave hits the boat he loses his grip from all the water pushing him to let go
and float down to the bottom of the sea.
As he resisted the oceans hands from pulling him down to the bottom. He
finally reaches the top and swallows in a huge gulp of air. A he looks to see if the boat
had moved he found the old rusty ladder that the crew used to use to climb on it they feel off.
       As he climbs up an huge wave comes and pushes him down. As he hits the water
everything went black but than an hand pulls him up onto the boat.
Than he realizes that the person was wearing the same crew uniform as
him but than it hits him this was one of the crew members  that was with him
when the boat crashed. But than he felt coldness at his feet and when he looked
down there was water at his feet. But the boat had an huge hole in the side.
But than he remembered about the emergency gear in the inside of the operation
room. So he got ready but than before he went in an hand stopped him And than his
crew member agreed that they should both go in because he had the key to the operation
room. As they both jumped in  they felt the freezing cold water touch them but they both
knew what would happen if they didn't do this brave task. As they were swimming they found
the operation room and located the box and brought it up to the top off the boat to open it.

As they opened it they saw that most of the stuff was used but nothing but ine thing a flare.
As they got it set up they got ready to fire it and hope some one saw it and come save them.
As they waited they saw an plane coming down at first they thought it had crashed but it  was
comeing to save them. As they got ready to jump on the plane the door opened and the poilit
was wearing full black but they still got on. As they were going over an jungil they crashed
and landed in the middle of a forest.

No comments:

Post a Comment

To support my learning I ask you to comment as follows:
1. Something positive - something you like about what I have shared.
2. Something helpful - add more info or ask me a question.
3. Something thoughtful - how have you connected with my learning?